I unplugged my TV.

Which is why I'm here, not because I think I have anything to write which is worth reading.

I've been thinking about putting it away for a few days, what do I actually watch which is worth the time it takes to, erm, watch it? I come home from work, put it on and I'm over come by an urge to do little but sit and dribble, ditto when I get out of bed on the weekend. The only other time I dribble like this is if I find myself on public transport and want the seat to myself.

Soaps. If I wanted to look at miserable people I'd look out the window, if I develop a burning desire to know what's going on in Eastenders etc I'll pick a copy of The Sun out of a bin, they report happenings in the soaps as if its real news anyway or I'll visit my Mum.

The News. Varying degrees of how fucked we all seem to be, indeed we are so fucked, if we were literally fucked to the point reported on television news, we'd all be running around in wheel chairs because the panoply of sexually transmitted diseases we'd have contracted would have rotted our legs away from beneath us.

American Drama. Some of it is ok but why are they all so good looking, ultimately it only serves to remind us all of how ugly and fat we are (just me then?) CSI this CSI that, why do all their computers beep inexplicably? I've been around, things don't beep as much in real life as much as they do in telly land. And House, he's just a smug bastard, what is so good about that?

US Teen TV. Loathsome, utterly and completely loathsome. My Super Sweet Sixteen, they should change the title to Young People Who You'll Want to Throttle, here finally is an argument for waterboarding.

Reality TV. I can't watch it, it's got nothing to do with reality, nothing at all. It's an opportunity for people who should remain unknown to wank their ego in front of an audience. Alan Sugar on The Apprentice; its big ego circle-jerk; I can't bear to watch it and I can't bear to watch the simpering clinging greasy little sycophants that apply to be on the show.

Films. I watch the occasional film but I can do that on a laptop can't I?

Dross. This is the collective term for anything on Dave, it's all eminently watchable but that's the problem, it adds no value to life in general, for my own good I have to get rid of it. All of the other stuff is annoying for a specific reason, dross on the other hand is much more dangerous because it draws you in like a Triffid, I walk past the TV and Mock the Week or Top Gear will be on so I might pause, maybe sit down. Before I know it hours, perhaps days have passed, I have more grey hair, my stomach grumbles because I forgot to eat and my toe nails have grown through the ends of my slippers.*

So it had to go and this is what I'm doing in its place. I don't care if no one reads this, I know I'm supposed to say that so let me say I actually do care. This is me at my most craven, seeking, NO! demanding the attention of as many people as possible, why? because my ego won't masturbate itself.

* Yes, I have slippers and very comfortable they are too.