On Mull

I've been and come back. The early ferry was harrowing, not because it was a rough crossing but because it was so early in the morning. Up at 5:45am for the 7am ferry then spent the day humping office furniture about a partially built hospital, but listen, I won't bore you with that because it's, well, boring.

On the ferry though, whilst consuming an early morning snack (it was so early the hotel hadn't even switched on its hot plates) with much hubbub a camera crew arrives in the cabin (we're on a boat so nautical terms must now be applied.) With the camera crew comes that guy from Coast, you know the one who wears glasses and might be a professor, not the one with the long hair (Neil Oliver) but the other one, he usually has a cane-handled brolly attached to his ruck sack? (And definitely not the camp one who wears glasses and talks like a fucking five year old, if it was him, he'd be thrown overboard.)

I could google it but its so fucking boring here, trying to think of this chap's name is giving me something to do. Anyway, a member of the crew told us they were doing a documentary about Oban and the surrounding area and to act naturally if they started to film anything. Its difficult to act naturally at 7am, if you see a program about Oban and its environs and behind the show's presenter a dodgy looking Spanish waiter/middle eastern terrorist type with wild hair and red rinmmed eyes is sitting eating a sausage roll, that would be me.

The ferry home was busier, it being the 5pm sailing, lots of tourists, plenty of Americans and lots of Italians. The Italians always look so confused, certainly the ones staying in my hotel are, presumably because in Italian hotels they don't keep the coffee making facilities in a drawer and the rather lovely looking Thai waiter who can be seen mincing around is called Vernon, a traditional thai name, meaning 'he who is without sin is a bull in a china shop'. Well it might be, you never know. I imagine his given name has a glottal stop in it, the last thing you want when ordering dinner among company is a glottal stop, maybe that's what 'Vernon' atually means?

We decided to dine out this evening, not because of the cat's arse thing, I've already said this is compelling viewing, but because we wanted something involving lots of protein being as we'd been indulging in much heavy lifting and as you'll no doubt already know, when you're working on your guns, you need to take in as much protein as you can get, or something...

Anyway, The Spinaker Cafe last time I was in was a twee little tea shop on Oban seafront selling cakes and buns etc, its now an American diner style restaurant, (it may still be a tea shop by day because nothing had really changed, not even the name.) I ordered an Elvis's Revenge Burger and do you know, it was the best burger I've ever had? Onion rings, bacon and cheese all in a bun with two freshly made quarter pound burgers. All told it was about 6 inches high, I cannot recommend it highly enough, same goes for the side order of curly fries.

Also on offer was the 15,000 calory Judgement Day Burger, a one pound Aberdeen Angus burger, three chicken steaks, six rashers of bacon, three fried eggs, a helping of ground chilli beef, lots of cheese and a double portion of chips, this one must be a foot high at least. I think they might be trying to entice Adam Richmond of Man Versus Food fame over, if not that, then its a spendid way of making a punter part with £24.95. So far, no one has managed it and to be honest, I don't think anyone will. I couldn't manage my Elvis-burger.

To round things off, the view from our table over looked the bay and Kerrera Island, it was very pleasant indeed in the late evening sunshine, people promenading, feeding the birds and unfortunately, also those evil looking seagulls that will inevitably inherit the earth.

And to round things off, who did we see jogging along the sea front? Yes, that guy from Coast, you know the one who wears glasses and might be a professor, not the one with the long hair and gobby accent... He's got a cane handled brolly, ocht come on, you know his name...

What the fuck is he called...