Tuesday, 14 January 2014

A short explanation. *Not politics*

You may have noticed some tweets aimed at @CCBloomsBar coming from my twitter account.

Yes, its a gay bar - can you tell?
Anyone who's ever been out in Edinburgh of an evening know that it's door staff are - in a word - crap. There is the odd exception ('Planet' for example, which is the only other place I really go and even then, very infrequently.) For the most part, I believe the reason people think Edinburgh is snooty and stuck up is it's pub and club 'security' people.

I was standing in the above club, (for the first time in years I should say) on Sunday night - well, actually Monday morning - when the female door lady/person asked to speak to me outside. Since I've never been chucked out of anywhere, (except Sunday school as a child for crying all the time,) I had no idea what she wanted.

So I took my innocent self to the now-slightly-less-camp entrance and stood beside the other door person who asked what was up, I said I didn't know so he motioned me back in - at which point - the door lady person came over to shoo me out again.

Some-what confused, I asked what it was about - this was the conversation:

Me: Eh, what's going on then? 
Her: You were being sleazy?
Me: What? 
Her: ...Sleazy behaviour... 
Me: Eh... How? 
Her: Reports of you being sleazy...
Me: From whom? 
Her/Him: Can't tell you that, data protection... 
Me: Really? So what was I doing then? 
Him: Don't worry it's only for tonight. 
Her: Sleazy behaviour... 
Me: Right, but I'll need to know what I was doing so I know not to do it again... 
Her: *dribble/vacant stare* 
Me: I was standing at the bar with a drink, speaking to friends...
(A pal who was outside smoking a cigarette at the time had come over to find out what was happening, when I told him he burst out laughing, his support was invaluable.) 
Her: Someone said you were being sleazy... 
Me: I gathered that... But in what manner?
Her: *Vacant stare/dribble*

Since it was 2:45 in the morning and a school night, I thought I'd leave it there -  there isn't much less edifying than watching even a slightly drunk person arguing with door staff. 

I still don't know what it was I was doing and to be perfectly honest - I'm pretty sure I wasn't doing anything, (although I would say that wouldn't I?) I mean, I'd had a drink but I wasn't plastered, just gently fuzzled. Also, CC Dooms (as we unaffectionately call it) in terms of sleaze, already has the bar set (so to speak) quite low, which is to say, in order to be chucked out for being sleazy - you'd have to be doing something pretty fucking disgusting to attract attention.

'something pretty fucking disgusting'

Anyway, that's what the tweets are about. I'm not a nutter, I don't want it shut down or the door staff stoned to death. I'm just reserving my right to highlight injustice where ever I see it. If you absolutely have to, think of it as a microcosm of the whole independence debate. The door staff are the unionists (you know, making shit up and lying - although I would say that...) And then there's me with the truth.

PS: A pledge to ensure Edinburgh's night spots employ more empathetic - dare I say - more intelligent security people probably should have been in the white paper, not sure what minister looks after door staff though.

PPS: CC blooms' twitter account - much like the brains of its door staff - is hidden. If you too are incensed at such blatant injustice you can donate to my defamation fund at indiegogo- I'm joking. 

A retweet will do.


  1. Tut tu... fancy you being sleazy...

    Who'd have thought it?

    Did she just take a dislike to you? Did you snub her?

    Why is it against data protection to tell you something that was told to them by word of mouth?

    Never mind. Munguin says you can go to Munguin Towers for a late night drink if you want. He says his prices are very reasonable.


  2. I still have no idea, the thing is though, in Edinburgh, door policy is completely random, if they take dislike then you're out. Its why going out is so crap, I hardly ever do it and when I do, I'm reminded about why I don't.

    Obviously the usual things put you off, loud music, crowded bars, queues and the cost... The door staff are the daft brainless cherry on top of the cake.

    I might visit Munguin Towers for that drink, I promise to not do what ever it was I was doing on Sunday night/Monday morning.


Thanks for comment as always and I apologise if you have to jump through any hoops to do so. Its just that, I'm still being spammed by organisations who are certain I can't get it up or when it is up its not big enough or that I don't have anyone to get it up for.

Who knew blogging could be so bad for ones self-confidence?