The Great Glen Way Pt 2

The following morning was ushered in by much quacking and other duck related activity. I don't know much about ducks or even what kind of ducks these were, but they were friendly and not at all bothered about being picked up, (a handy thing if you neglected to go to the shops before starting the walk.) As I lay in my new sleeping bag I could hear them waddling only inches away on the other side of the nylon, making pleasing little sooking noises as they did what ever ducks do in the morning. On rising, which is to say, crawling in a distinctly ungraceful manner out of my tent, the ducks had all gone. As soon as we started breakfast though, the noisy little freeloaders returned. Until that morning, I'd never been bitten by a duck, it was just as you'd expect, more amusing than sore. We gave them all we could, we even persuaded Craig (one of the young team) to lay down while we flicked bits of a left over roll at him, this he did willingly. The ducks clamoured over him pecking and jabbing with beaks, it was highly amusing, especially when a well aimed bit of roll landed on his crotch. While I wouldn't recommend doing this with, say; a swan, the ducks hardly troubled his ability to make more little Craig’s.

Our plan for the day was to walk from Gairlochy to Laggan Locks, a distance of 11 miles or so, this section wends its way round the southern shores of Loch Lochy passing an oddity known as The Fairy Glen. I visited this place last year with a friend; we both found it to be really very creepy, others invariably thought it was all rather sweet. Basically it’s a stuffed animal graveyard, in my eyes anyway. To others it’s a magical fairy land of mystical toys and magical tableaus, people passing through have added their own little touches. A tree has hanging from it several small smurfs, down by the water's edge a large doll (the kind you just couldn't sleep in the same room with) sits on a chair looking out over the loch. Meanwhile, over by, a huge teddy bear sits miserably drooping with moisture, one leg torn off while other bedraggled and abandoned toys look on with disdain. There are other things to look at, a tree with lots of kids shoes hanging from it, the visitor book (the twelfth) had mostly positive messages within which confused me, eventually a did see a note scrawled by young lad called Shaun, it said; 'this place is way creepy.' At least I'm not alone, if you're ever in the area, you should have a look, I'd be interested to know what you thought. (It’s on the road out of Gairlochy sign posted for the village of Clunes, about a mile and half after Gairlochy itself. Don't go in the dark.)

Onwards from the Creepy Glen the route takes you through the hamlet of Clunes (a row of houses) past the Clan Cameron museum. It follows forestry roads above the shores of Loch Lochy eventually descending toward Laggan Locks. About a mile before it does, there is an official wild camp site, if you're looking to do a short overnight hike, this would be ideal, the loch side location is very pleasant indeed, plenty space for camp fires and tents, we sat for a while and skimmed stones for a while more. There is no water supply here and the loch water is not safe due to a blue green algae bloom. It’s ideal for younger groups, a moderately challenging walk from Gairlochy (taking in the Fairy Glen) then a night camping in the woods, if your kids aren't disturbed already, they should be after that.

Laggan Lock sits on the main road between Fort William and Inverness so it’s a bit noisy, there are no ducks to entertain and crucially for us, no fire pit. Fortunately there is a pub on the canal at Laggan, which is to say, in the canal. The Eagle’s main boast is being the only floating pub on the Caledonian Canal, technically this is true although there are two other boats we know of (the Fingal and the Ros Crana) that also sell booze although only to those staying on board. It was very warm indoors and since I’d managed to drive my car over a massive boulder in the car park of where we were supposed to be staying the following night, I felt I needed a drink, and a burger, and another drink…

Later on when the young folk figured out where the leaders where and had plucked up the courage to come aboard (get me with the nautical terminology,) I have to say, they looked upon us with equal measures of reproach and general unhappiness. All I can say is this, the burger I had was horrid and the Scampi my fellow leaders had was of the poorest quality, while the young folk were outside in the cold preparing their dinner on the picnic table, we had this substandard faire forced upon us.

I’m not sure they bought that argument if I’m being honest. We had been sitting for quite some time watching the owner’s four year old daughter (an overly noisy child if I do say so) climbing around the bar and it hadn’t occurred to us that being under 18 years of age did not preclude lawful entry, so to speak.

That night was the coldest; with no fire pit it was impossible to keep warm. It didn’t seem to matter how much wine we drank (those of us of an age of course,) the beer jacket just never grew thick enough. Also, it had been a longer day so an early night was on the cards.

It was a damp night and because we couldn’t get the tent pegs properly into the ground, (to much rubble) our tents weren’t pitched well. Hike tents are finicky things, if you don’t pitch them just so; they leak. After we accept, generally they’re not practical for any long term living arrangement, for them to leak doesn’t add to their allure. And they don’t leak in an obvious way; the water seeps in. These tents slope away at the feet end, if the nylon isn’t tensioned just so, the inner tent tends to touch the outer fly sheet, (I know, bear with me and the camping terms.) As you sleep, the bottom of your sleeping bag pushes the inner material against the outer stuff and moisture slowly but inexorably begins to soak the bottom of your bag. Its even worse if you’re camping on a slope because unless you want to wake up with all the blood you possess in your head, you’ll elect to sleep with your feet pointing down hill, you invariably end up in an unhappy damp heap at the bottom of the tent.

I would challenge any one to say this is an acceptable arrangement. The alternative of course is to sleep in the canal toilet blocks but there are signs prohibiting this and to be honest, my reputation isn’t all that great to begin with, choosing to sleep in a toilet (even a warm one) I fear would erase the small sliver of integrity I have left.

Go to Pt 3

The Great Glen Way. Pt 1

(You can consider this a feature length blog post, recently a group of us walked the length of the Great Glen from Fort William to Inverness, what happened is chronicled below. The usual caveats apply, if you choose to read it, you won't get the time back. Thanks and good luck.)

The Great Glen Way.

In terms of things to do, if you had choose, it would be quite reasonable not to pick as an activity walking from Fort William to Inverness, especially in October with young people who don't have credit cards allowing them access to hotels, quaint little B&B's and other civilising perks of modern day living (like pubs and restaurants.) Never-the-less here we are, sitting in a Hobbit Microcabin over-looking Loch Ness. The fan heater is on, it’s now uncomfortably warm, since the cabin is barrel shaped and of wooden construction its a bit like sitting in a sauna.

There are nine of us, four adults and five youths aged 16 and 17. We started the walk four days ago and have so far covered forty of the seventy five mile route. I say we, I mean they, I've only walked about twenty, I've driven about one hundred and twenty miles looking for wild campsites and cheap indoor accommodation, in my defence, I walked it last year in April in driving snow, I didn't camp out mind, I was on my own or at least, accompanied by my credit card which allowed me access to hotels and quaint little B&B's, at least the ones that were open out of season. I did carry a tent but only for emergencies, camping is a loathsome activity especially in winter, hiking tents are also loathsome. For me, they're a bit like swimming pools, which is to say, there is no gainly way to get out of either thing, be it arse or head first, getting out of a hike tent after having gotten dressed lying down is, as they say, for dicks.

Getting in to a mild claustrophobic panic because you're unknowingly trying to thrust your legs into the sleeves of a jumper and getting no where, you can't stand up and if you roll onto your stomach you're pretty much doomed because there isn't enough space to spread your arms out to right yourself, it really is deeply unpleasant. It goes without saying, its either too cold or too busy to get dressed outside, my body is not for public consumption and frankly, my fragile ego wouldn't withstand the disapproving looks from other walkers, resplendent in their multi-zipped activity trousers, walking poles and technical backpacks, I find these people, full of vim and energy, deeply suspicious, if you want my opinion (and I know you don't,) I think they're using performance enhancing Kendal Mint Cake, when I'm out in the country, I look like shit, while they always look fresh and ready for anything, even when exiting their prissy little tents.

The Great Glen Way follows the route of the Caledonian Canal for the most part, it’s actually a pretty good walk to do, although I'd recommend cycling the canal tow path sections as they become a wee bit boring after a while on foot. You can also buy keys to the British Waterways toilet blocks situated at the various locks along the canal, I never knew these things existed or one could gain access, I thought you had to be a yachting type to qualify. You can get keys from the Lock Master's Office at Fort William (in Corpach) or at the Inverness end. These really are a hidden gem, drying facilities, hot showers in really very clean and crucially for us, warm buildings. One tip, they have an odd charging regime, the lady in the lock master's office asked how many of us were walking, I told her nine. She said, normally, I'd have to buy nine keys at £5 a pop but on this occasion she'd cap it at three, which was nice of her. So, if you're going to go and there are lots of you; tell a wee fib and save some money.

When it comes to walking, we're not purists, we don't set out to walk every inch of the route we've chosen, last year we did the West Highland Way, 98 miles from Milngavie to Fort William, on the second day we used a bus, two taxis and two speed boats. We set out to do it all on foot but it just didn't work out that way, these things are supposed to be a fun challenge, we did carry full kit for that walk and it proved to be to much for some of the smaller group members, as far as I'm concerned, its not fair to send folk home because their shoulders aren't as broad or legs not so sturdy, basically we made do, the challenge became slightly different but no less of a challenging; getting everyone to the finish line at roughly the same time. No one walked less than 80 miles (and half of that with full kit) as far as I can see, that’s pretty good going for a novice group.

And so it has been for the Great Glen Way, the young folk have been walking with day bags while the three drivers have been darting hither and thither in cars filled with rucksacks and food. I won't even try to explain what we've done and will be doing with cars, I find it hard to understand myself, we've been trying to plan ahead, leaving vehicles where we can then walking back to meet the walkers.

Our first night was spent at Gairlochy on a British Waterways campsite, and I have to say, even although it was wet and cold, it was a lovely campsite. With a fire pit and picnic table plus extremely tame ducks for entertainment; all we needed for a pleasant time was some warmth. We tried to light a fire, I say we, I mean me and failed miserably, the wood was wet and we had no petrol. I know, I'm a scout leader type so should know how to light fires, I do; just not when the fuel is soaking wet, you don't think Bear Grills mucks about with wet wood do you? No, he goes to a hotel with his film crew. We had no hotel so basically huddled together round the picnic table for heat. This campsite as mentioned, had toilets, showers and drying facilities, we were far to proud to go and huddled round the tumble dryer and no one had a pound coin anyway, but it was handy to have it, even if it was about as far away as it could get and still remain in the canal lock area, a theme that was to repeat at the other British Waterway sites.

Go to Pt 2

Brace yourselves...

I'm going to be serious for a moment.

I was doing a little reading today about something I thought I knew about but didn't, about something I did know about and about how the two things are linked.

Now be patient, I know the temptation is to close the window or navigate away because I'm going to talk about independence and you think its boring, just stick with it, I'll try and punctaute things with some levity where I can.

So, firstly; the McCrone Report.

This was a document that came into existence sometime after 1974, it basically outlined the ramifications of the recent oil find in Scottish waters. It was commisioned by Ted Heath (Conservative) and compiled by Prof Gavin McCrone to assess the impact of oil on the UK, Scotland, the SNP and the EEC etc. It basically said, that Scottish oil was a 'game changer', it would give Scotland a chronic fiscal surplus (meaning we'd be really quite sickeningly rich) and that we'd be the wealthiest nation in the Europe. Phrases like; "Scotland’s just been gifted an unassailable 5-0 lead" (talking about the argument for independence) and “all that is wrong with the SNP estimate now is that it is far too low” (in terms of estimated income from North Sea Oil.)

The most telling phrase is, "that Scotland would have an embarrassment of wealth" if it was to have its oil revenues to itself. Please click here if you want to know more about the McCrone Report, its worth it, especially if you have a strong sense of injustice.

Ok, you're probably bored now, (if you got this far at all) so here's a quick story. I was walking towards my newly clean car with a work colleague a while ago, since I'm not famed for keeping my vehicles clean (I hardly ever wash them) she asked, 'have you jet-washed your car?' 'Yes' I said proudly. She then asked, 'Where abouts did you do it?' to which I said, 'over the top round the sides and wee bit underneath.'

Ok, that was shit and you'll never get the time back but listen, put it behind you and keep reading.

The other thing I was reading about was the 1979 referendum for a devolved Scottish Assembly, not quite a referendum on independence but certainly a stepping stone in that direction had the SNP won the argument. Referenda usually work like this; if more people vote for something then that 'something' should happen, 51.6% of the vote was in favour of a devolved assembly which is more than 48.4%, so you would think we got what we voted for.

No.

The then Labour MP George Cunningham shoe-horned in a small clause which said if the winning portion of the vote (the 51.6% yes vote) did not amount to 40% or more of the registered electorate then the result was null and void. Majority voting went out the window and people who couldn't be arsed, didn't have a view either way or were dead but still registered to vote were all counted as 'no' voters.

That was what I was reading about earlier.

Bored? Hold on; so I was talking to a friend the other day about The Flintstones cartoon, you know Fred and Barney and their wives? He said some people in Riyadh didn't like The Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do.

Oh come on now, that was better. All the good ones I know are unprintable, there might be kids reading (or the police.)

Anyway,  in 1974, the McCrone report is authored telling the then Westminster government that Scotland would be wealthy beyond imagination. It was immediately classified under the Official Secrets Act and not to be made available to the public for 30 years.

Then in 1979, the terms of the referendum for a Scottish devolved Assembly are tampered with, basically hobbled by the 40% rule.

I have a question. If the people of Scotland at that time knew about the 'embarrassment of wealth' sitting under the waters of the North Sea, if they knew about a report that showed they and their country would be enriched beyond belief, would they have voted no, or not bothered to vote in the referendum?

Imagine how different Scotland would be today if the £300 billion pounds (a conservative estimate) of oil revenues collected over the past 30 odd years had stayed in Scotland for the benefit of the people living here (where ever they might hail from originally?)

That was a long time ago but its still going on. Westminster are content to spend £90 billion on a replacement nuclear deterrent while cutting the benefits paid to people who are too ill to work (no, they're not all workshy reprobates as the daily mail would have you believe.) They're going to ask you, here in Scotland to give up free prescriptions, free travel for your elderly relatives (and you when the time comes,) free care at home for your elderly relatives (and you when the time comes) so they can spunk 90 billion smacks on a highly questionable weapons system that they'll never use and couldn't anyway without permission from the American administration, (we rent the current Trident system from the US, We've got the rockets but they have all the matches.)

And they say we wouldn't be able to run our own affairs.

I mean to say, they've set the bar so high haven't they?

And finally, heres a picture I drew after I'd finished reading.