Another milestone passed.

The image above is of the inside pocket of a jacket I recently bought, the feature indicated by the arrows represents the milestone I recently past.

It's not a good milestone, like getting my motorcycle licence or realising that holding the back of my head with one hand while I blow my nose with other is not necessary to stop my eyes from popping out. (The things parents tell their children.) I'll ask you the same question I asked myself when I saw it; what's that hole for then?

I'll admit I had no idea, when I found out I thought; 'oh no, I'm getting old'. But why worry about that, it's inevitable, its daft to worry about things you can't control right? Unfortunately it does mean something else; I'm Out Of Touch. You can be fourteen and OOT (I did ask one 14yo, he didn't know what it was for either.) Or like me, you can be in your mid-to-very (very) late 20's (ahem) and find; your finger isn't only no longer on the pulse, its no where near it any more. Where before you instinctively knew what an object was for because you existed on the same plane of existence, you find you've moved on to a different plane, its not that you don't know what an object is (in this case, its a hole in a pocket,) its that the purpose of it or what might employ it; is a mystery.

I think if given enough time, I would have figured out what the mystery hole was for, I first didn't think about it at all (its just a snow boarding jacket, for all that snow boarding I do,) when I did think about it, I thought it might be for a pen, after that? I thought no more of it because its just an inside pocket and contrary to what people who know me say, I have other important things to consider; like what wine I'll be drinking that night.

So I'm officially OOT, I'm a fuddy duddy, an oldie, a crustie, a bufty. I am no longer en vogue, avant garde or a la mode.

The thing is; are you? Can you honestly say you'd know what the hole is for? (Don't all rush at once, Blogger servers have crashed once before under the volume of comments this blog receives...)

Bonus points if you know what the smaller pocket on the actual pocket is for too, because as you know, having a pocket on a pocket is de rigueur these days isn't it?

Its over...

Unusually, because I enjoy a good rant at Christmas time, (I'm not a huge fan,) I've kept to myself this year. Various reasons, I think mostly because some times its hard to find the humour at this time of year. In which regard, if you're the same, this post is for you.

Christmas and New Year,  its a bit of a roller coaster you can't avoid, some people climb aboard with glee, others, with less enthusiasm; I'm firmly in the latter category. It goes with out saying, you can't avoid it, even if you have no one in the world to impress or pretend to be cheerful for, you are surrounded by expectation. From telly adverts to news paper headlines, at work surrounded by forced cheer and merriment; you WILL enjoy yourself.

If you're not sure what kind of Christmas you should be having, Debenham's, Asda or Tesco are only too happy to demonstrate in their respective adverts how you should be comporting yourself, sometimes, I think it would be interesting if you could pick an organisation that best suits your Christmas experience rather than have some aspirational dross piped into your home by C&A's. Ours would probably come from the Samaritans or perhaps Alcoholics Anonymous.

I always go in expecting the worst and while I've never had my worst imaginings fulfilled, its always been excruciating, a mixture of faux bonhomie, forced cheer (the worst kind) and cringe inducing sentiment. Our Christmas Day consists of not rocking the boat and not getting to close to Dad while he's eating pudding lest you be sucked in like a hapless commuter standing too close to the edge of the platform as a high speed train hammers by. (Don't laugh, small cousins have gone missing...)

I have a confession to make this year (not that I imagine you'll give a be-tinseled shit being as I am a complete stranger to most readers.) I know its probably wrong to be impressed, but I managed this year to buy no presents what-so-ever, my excuse is; I ran out of time. I literally had no time to buy anything, I mean, I could have rushed around on Christmas Eve but I thought; fuck that, I can't be arsed. Normally I'm more organised (I only buy for my parents, its not much of a challenge.) But, for various reasons, each one I assure you, more persuasive than the last, I just flat ran out of time.

I did buy cards for my parents, they are sentimental about that and they aren't hard to buy. I don't get involved with the Christmas card war of attrition that goes on in the work place, same goes with extended family (my brother doesn't even get a card.) I'm always surprised by people at work who remonstrate because I didn't return their Christmas good wishes, I have to patiently explain, the reason they didn't get a card extolling any positive feelings was because I am essentially honest and wouldn't want to paint a false picture for them.

Its over now though, there are those climbing out of the roller coaster car grinning from ear to ear, some are merely satisfied after a pleasing period of familial and friendly reconnection. There are others though, stumbling off, alone, flecked with their own vomit who's misgivings have either been satisfied or worse still; re-enforced.

I'm the first to admit I have my moments, I really am a cynical, miserable bastard at times and at Christmas, it does come to the fore. But listen, I'm not a pessimist, nor am I an optimist, I think like a great very many people, I'm just some where in the middle and react positively or negatively to things going on around.

For some people, Christmas (and New Year) just underlines and amplifies the crap things in life. Maybe its because you are alone, maybe its because you anticipate being alone (or maybe its because you want to be alone...)

Which ever it is, this one is for you.

All your air weapons are belong to us

As you may or may not know, I don't often add anything of a serious disposition to this blog usually because I can seldom think of anything serious to say, also, I know its an effort reading these things and I hate wasting your time. I've just finished reading this for example, it was very dramatic and had me thinking about buying some land or stocking up on tinned goods, but all it turned out to be, was an advert for a magazine subscription, so when I say I understand, I really do.

The reason for this blog is the consultation launched today about the licensing of air weapons. Turns out the Scottish Government wants those of us who own air guns to have a licence for them, along the same lines as is required for a shot gun.

I won't go into the details because a) you probably don't have an air weapon and b) you may not actually be interested, suffice to say; you'll need a licence and to get it, you'll need to subject yourself to a police visit, a medical check (as in the police asking your doctor if you are a nutter) and be in possession of a good reason for having said weapons. Oh aye, and you'll have to pay for it all to happen, regardless of whether you actually get the licence or not.*

I've already filled out a consultation, I have two air weapons (and can say right now, don't have the slightest inclination to use them to commit a crime.) One is a rifle that was in an attic, its in a locked metal cupboard in a private hall, the other is a pistol I got from my dad on my 15th birthday. It goes without saying, having it for sentimental reasons won't get me a licence.

Kenny MacAskill in the consultations blurb talks about a safer Scotland and the 500,000 unregistered unlicensed air weapons in circulation, how many of those are in the hands of miscreants though, and how much of a reaction is this to 1) having a new power and using it and 2) as a reaction to a news paper campaign driven by the heart, not the mind?

The main driver for the legislation was the tragic death of toddler Andrew Morton in Glasgow back in 2005, a 27 year old drug addict fired an air weapon from a window killing the young boy. Mark Bonini was found guilty of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment. What more can you do, would he have applied for a licence for his air rifle? Would it have stopped it from happening? We'll never know but you don't need to do much extrapolating to understand that it probably would not.

Air weapons are dangerous, licensing them will only be onerous on those who have them for non-nefarious purposes or indeed, sentimental value. Those who are already existing on the other side of the line in terms of the law won't bother their arses about it, so who is really being affected and what is actually being improved?

The other side to this is accidental shootings where no actual crime is involved. Tragic accidents happen, although the circumstances by which they take place can be regulated, it won't stop it entirely. Since the tragic death of Andrew Morton, air weapon-related incidents have dropped by over 50%, do we really need a new licencing regime and the paper work that goes with it and would it make any difference if we did, I mean to say, are Ball-Breaker Bill and West End Wendy really going to apply for a licence for their illegally held weapons cache? I think not.

Beyond that, there is this issue of Scotland becoming a nanny state under the SNP, I think its fair to say all parties will end up supporting this because (with the utmost respect for the family of Andrew Morton,) in the face of a knee jerk newspaper campaign and a law driven by emotional reaction; how can they not. But again, law abiding otherwise decent people are being made to jump through hoops and part with yet more money to pay for a bureaucracy which will ultimately do nothing to deter the very thing it exists to reduce.

Kenny? You've made me put up a serious post, this is not good enough. You clearly need to think again on this, not just because I was forced to say something sensible, but because its a shit idea. Licensing won't work, its not the object being held, its the person holding the object which is the problem, going by the logic being deployed for air weapons, the next consultation will be on the licensing of cutlery drawers.

* At the risk of coming over all critical and unhelpful, currently gun shops must record a name and address against anyone wishing to buy an air weapon (who must also be over the age of 18.) I'd suggest the same thing but further backed up with forms of ID and that air weapons have serial numbers, the information can be collated and kept centrally, at least if the police need to attend an incident they can be somewhat forewarned. This would afford some control of new weapons entering into circulation, in terms of weapons already circulating, a perpetual amnesty so people can hand them in with out fear of prosecution would work well.

The consultation can be found here.