One oot, another in.

Bit of de ja vu there, I've already published a blog by this title, still, it saves me from having to think of another one. I might just loop back to the beginning like they do every forty odd years with these referendums - wait till the electorate forget what really went on and are beholden to government for their pensions, have another vote on independence and terrify them in to voting no.

This time I'm talking about Johann going out and Jim coming in. Of course there are other contenders for the top Labour job in Scotland - a janitorial role who's main duty is covering the pools of policy vomit spewed out by London Labour with sawdust supplied by the Daily Record. No one really knows who the other candidates are; their names are Sarah Boyack and Neil Findlay. The former is most famous for having a surname that Google Chrome wants to change to 'Bootlack' while the latter is famous for having a surname that Google Chrome wants to change to 'Finland'.

As usual, our illustrious broadcast & print media are painting the leadership campaign thusly:

Oot.

Wank

Wank

Good guy.

If you strip away all the flim flam, all the hot air and breathy claims, the captions above actually are an accurate representation of 'Scottish' Labour's campaign paradigm for electing a new leader. Murphy also seems to have given jobs to Blair McDougall and John McTernan as campaign advisors. If any one was in any doubt about Labour no longer being in touch with the Scottish electorate, having these two gonks - especially the irreversibly stupid and out of touch McTernan - on your team pretty much confirms the notion. 

Putting McTernan to one side for a moment (with a rattle and something to gnaw,) the only people who voted No willingly and with pleasure were Tories and Labour activists, staffers and apologists - every one else did so under extreme political duress created by McDougall and his hand-picked team of pinch-faced twats. Sometimes its amusing to add a 'but that's just like having...' comparison, but I don't even know what this is like - its so stupid and out of touch.

McTernan is less well known outside of the political straight jacket, I use that word (instead of bubble) because McTernan needs one. He's supposed to be a pundit but it would be a ferocious understatement to say he hasn't got a fucking clue. He's been a Special Adviser to Tony Blair, Harriet Harmon (While she was Secretary of State for Social Security) and Henry McLeish (while he was FM.)

John McTernan. Clear your browsing history when you've finished reading this, you don't even want an image of the man on your device for long. Look at him, just look at that sleekit recreant face, he'll be in your temporary internet files looking for porn then briefing the Daily Record - mark my words...

Its difficult to know how he got those jobs (so long as you forget momentarily the kind of fuckwittery politicians get up to.) It may even be the case that Blair, Harmon and McLeish etc were thoroughly decent people who were getting truly woeful advice - its not hard to believe when you read some of the things McTernan puts out there. He's definitely one of those people who thinks a thing is true because he said it was. Him being on Murphy's teams is all by itself a pretty good reason to vote for Sarah Bootlack or Neil Finland.

To finish, I have to say something about Alistair Darling stepping down, I say stepping down but its hard to imagine where he could step down to given he's already lower than an Earthworm's baw sack. I know, you're thinking Earthworms don't have baw sacks and that they reproduce when children chop them in half in the garden with a spade - this isn't true. Apparently they are hermaphrodites that still mate in pairs and exchange sperm. Reading the Wikipedia description of how worms copulate and reproduce is somewhat akin to reading Alistair Darling's Wikipedia page - in that it'll probably make you feel a bit queasy.

I think that's as accurate a political obituary you're likely to get on Alistair Darling. No doubt we can look forward to several images of him sleeping in the House of Lords but for now, the miserable lying bastard is leaving public life.

In the mean time, we have the potentially gratifying spectacle of Jim Murphy being shoehorned into the Scottish leadership role, then being turfed out because Labour MSP's refuse to give up a pretty cushy job to make way for Lord Murphy of Breathy Rhetoric. Even if some poor dunce did, the only people who'd vote for Baron Jim of the Omelette would be Labour activists, staffers and apologists - and if we are to go by recent polls, there's probably only one of each currently living in Scotland - it could be the best political wheeze since Ed Miliband won his leadership election.