It is a disappointment, I thought it would be closer. As I've said elsewhere, I'm not sure what it means to be a proud or patriotic Scot. We have nice scenery, decent pubs and many attributes, but I've never been asked to do anything for my country and certainly, just being born in a place doesn't qualify any one to feel proud about it.
What I am at the moment is mildly ashamed to be Scottish.
I don't like to think we bottled it although there will be many who did just that - add in the hundreds of thousands of comfortable middle class voters who only saw the debate in terms of some perceived narrow nationalism so had no clue about the real issues. I think many thought the Yes Campaign was driven by some misty-eyed tourist-tea-towel-inspired whim - they didn't explore each side of the debate properly because they never took it seriously in the first place.
So now, we're in the ignoble position of seeing what was one of the most negative, misleading and pinch-faced campaigns in recent history meet its goal. Johann Lamont, Ruth Davidson, Jim Murphy and (dear God) The Oily Jackie Baillie are all claiming victory in Scotland. Led by politicians who weren't any good to begin with and who in the past have displayed eye watering contempt for normal standards of morality - are a majority of the Scottish electorate really just timorous suckers?
Paradoxically - because I don't blame them one bit - I hope the voters who felt bullied into voting No are regarding themselves with a gentle frisson of regret. And to the cynics who voted No because they whine - "nothing ever changes..." - I hope your next shite is a hedgehog because the cynicism that drove your No vote was created by the same people who wanted you to vote that way all along. I dare say - in between being so accustomed to being right you've forgotten what its like to be wrong - you'll still get the chance to feel superior.
It'll still be interesting, people who bought into the last-gasp more-powers arguments will be first to start doubting their choice - did they not think paying tax for services then paying tax again for the same services seemed suspicious? Can we coin a phrase and call that Pyramid Taxation? Then there are those who voted No but decided they can continue to complain about Westminster cross-party fuckwittey, (I call these people UK Labour Faithful.) They'll never understand it doesn't matter who they vote for at Westminster; unless their hopes happen to gel with the English electorate and London business interests, they'll never get the government they vote for.
I don't really know what to say about the demographic that never thought we'd manage in the first place - knowledge tends to build confidence, is there any excuse for being willfully ignorant yet still know your actions will affect others so detrimentally? The referendum is being redrawn as a victory for democracy and in terms of turn out it certainly was that - unfortunately it was also a victory for rank ignorance & self-inflicted naivety.
And finally, those that voted No because you thought it would be a No anyway...
I suppose, in the final analysis Scotland has always had to lie in a bed made by others. We had a limited time during which we could have changed that but instead; we chose to revert to type.
There are some things I am glad to take away from the debate; the people I've met, if not in person then certainly in hope & aspiration (there are too many to link to in this sentence - you know who you all are.) The satire & great humour of the No campaign for which the No side had no parallel and a much greater understanding of politics in the UK and Scotland's place in it.
I'm leaving the Yes stickers on my car to show I still and always will believe a Yes vote was righteous. While I'm slightly ashamed to be Scottish today, I'll always feel good about being part of the Yes Campaign.